Hiatus

Hiatus

I haven’t written a post since June (well I wrote one for the Homeless Project in August but still it’s been a while). I was in two minds about writing this because I wasn’t sure whether it was necessary to explain my hiatus. Well, as you can see I am going to so hopefully you are able to relate and take something from this.

So why have I been so quiet? What’s been happening since June 2017?

Numerous reasons – I started my placement year straight after my exams, I’ve been working on my Homeless Project, I’ve got involved in a few more projects and programmes this year and as you can see, this has kept me very busy.

Managing full-time work with outside commitments is difficult. Since the end of 2016, I haven’t really had a break and the days I took off as ‘holiday’ were used for other programmes. I’ve been working so hard that I neglected my blog, my relationship with God and burnt myself out. And my moods, oh my moods, listen the fluctuations in my emotions have been very mad – one-minute I am happy and the next I am sad. It may be hard to believe this, especially with the amazing achievements I’ve had this year (not in an arrogant way) but it is difficult to see the value of things when there is an absence of God in your life. You’re left feeling very empty.

So why am I writing this post?

There are many messages I want to get across, however; my fingers do not have the strength so just take this one – please take care of yourself. Spiritually, Mentally, Physically or whatever it may be, please take care of yourself.

In the words of the amazing Hayley Mulenda, “Focus on building the best you and you’ll build the best everything”.

This is something I did not do. I am the happy friend, who checks up on everyone but when the tables turned I didn’t really get the same treatment from everyone I expected to. Now I am not throwing any shade and I don’t blame anyone for this. If I only show the good side and hide when I’m feeling down, how are you really supposed to know when times are tough? Also, I am quite closed off so it’s easier for me to simply say ‘things are good.’ Do not do this. Don’t battle your struggles on your own as it is mentally draining. If this is you right now, find someone to confide in. I eventually did and honestly, it helped me so much. Having someone to encourage you when you’re down is more helpful than you think.

There are a few things I could have done to prevent this though, and one is taking a break when I knew I needed to. There is nothing wrong with doing a lot of things, but sometimes we overestimate how much we can truly handle. I crashed, and I paid the price for it. Remember, “You will attract a broken business, if you are broken” (Hayley Mulenda). How can you expect the things you’ve invested yourself in to run efficiently when there’s no true stability within you?

I am such a deep thinker and questioned why I worked so hard. Sounds like a stupid and self-explanatory question to some, but I actually thought about it. The answer was my Uncertainty- my uncertainty about my future. I worked so hard because it was the only way for me to guarantee a ‘secure’ future. Now, there is nothing wrong with working hard to build your foundation (I am a strong believer of this) however, it’s not good to work so hard that you physically cannot breathe (me on numerous occasions).

Like me, I am sure there a lot of people asking themselves what’s next? I have many interests and passions but ask me what I want to do in the next 5 years and I’ll get a headache. I was very confused and worried. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to pursue my project further, get a job and take care of my family and much more. However, as a Christian, this was the wrong mentality to have. We are humans, and we are bound to let our emotions take over sometimes and I am sure God understands this.  However, the mistake I made was distancing myself from him, constantly worrying and relying on earthly things to make myself happy. Let me just tell you now, I don’t think I’ve ever had so much and still felt so empty.

In the Bible, Jesus says “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life – whether you have enough food or drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing?” – Matthew 6:25, NLT Version

This is a very important statement. Jesus tells us not to worry because of its ill effects. Worry can 1) Damage your health, 2) Disrupt your productivity 3) Negatively affect the way you treat others and 4) Reduce your ability to trust God. The main difference between worry and genuine concern is that worry immobilizes and concern moves you to action.

As Christians we are taught to “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5) because “in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:6) and this is something I struggled to do. I was so worried about the next steps that I took control of my own situation and as you can see, things didn’t go to plan.

I know this post is getting quite long, but I want people who are in this situation to understand there is nothing wrong with uncertainty. However, instead of worrying, confide in the Lord. Make God the centre of everything you do, because everything we do on earth is for him. God has a plan for us all, and no matter how difficult things seem now there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Plus, on the bright side what’s the fun of having such a smooth journey? Don’t you want to learn some life lessons? Majority of the time, when you leave a difficult season, you look back, laugh and appreciate God for all the things you’ve been taught through them.

I just want to tell at least one person, that all will be okay. Don’t worry about what will happen next. Continue to work hard and produce results, but know your limit and put God at the centre of it all.

I hope I have been able to get my message across. It’s been a while since I’ve written and I feel a bit rusty lol. But guys please remember to

  • Check up on your friends, especially the happiest ones (we are the best at hiding our true emotions)
  • Work hard, but don’t kill yourself – I am going to be very blunt with this statement, but there is more to life than what you’re killing yourself for. Work hard to produce those amazing results, but don’t forget that ‘all this’ will probably have no value in the next life. Work towards your purpose and produce the fruits you have been destined to.
  • Put God at the centre of everything – This Christian walk is not easy at all, but it’s extremely rewarding. Try and dedicate some time to God. Pray, read your bible, watch that sermon on the go, there is honestly so much you can do. Even 10 minutes a day can go such a long way.

Despite all this, my peoplessss don’t worry about me, I’m all good and well (and I truly mean it). I really plan on taking over this 2018 x

Hope you enjoyed this piece and happy new year to you all. I pray that this 2018 is prosperous for you all! Much love and God bless!

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2 Comments

  1. Deborah Biyi January 3, 2018 / 12:20 am

    Great piece Noelle! I can definitely relate to masking how I am feeling when I am down but I am working on it. I also can relate to being a deep thinker – oh gosh. It can be SO annoying at times. I’ve had to learn to train my thoughts and continually focus and mediate on God’s word which then becomes the background noise in my thoughts rather than letting worry and fear be the background noise. Be anxious for nothing, but through prayer and supplication make your request known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7) I pray that God’s peace will continue to radiate around us.

    Deborah Biyi

    • Noelle Donkor January 3, 2018 / 3:13 pm

      Thank you so much Deborah! I’m glad you were able to relate to this piece and Amen! God’s got us x

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